Have you ever had thoughts that made you feel ashamed, guilty, or even upset with yourself? You know, for thinking this way? They may be about a friend, your parents or even your own child. Or, perhaps, thoughts about yourself.
But, these thoughts, are not just regular thoughts, aren’t they? They come with intense unpleasant feelings and emotions. So intense, that something in you just can’t ignore these thoughts. Almost, as if your own mind is attacking you. And, as this is not enough, these type of thoughts seem to repeat themselves. Just like an organized attack.
“What am I thinking? How can I even consider this? Such horrible thoughts, what’s wrong with me?”
You wonder.
And these unpleasant thoughts? They just keep coming. Clearly, this mind attack isn’t random. No, this has to be a well coordinated ambush. Your troops are now surrounded and there’s no escape. In fact, you are the only one left. The only survivor.
Where’s the white flag when you need one?
Was there ever an attack?
Perhaps, not all is lost, though. Even better, there may be a “magic wand” that can erase all of this dreadful situation, as it never happened. Wouldn’t that be great? But, do we really need magic here? Could it be, that there was never an attack to begin with? Also, who exactly is being “attacked” here? Is this really you?
After years of experiencing all sort of “mind attacks” including some really troubling thoughts about myself, and the people I love so much, I realized something. Something, that changed everything. And, that “something” was in front of me the entire time. I just couldn’t see it with all this noise within.
So, who is being attacked?
Now, it all comes down to one question. Ask yourself: who is being attacked here? Is it you? Or, is it the idea you have about yourself? About who you want to be? Or, who you are afraid to become.
Be very clear about this question. And, be honest with yourself. You are not here to judge yourself any longer. We are not trying to impress anyone with some fancy answers either. Not even ourselves. We simply want to know the truth. So, if you let all these jugements, beliefs, ideas, desires, fears go, just for a moment, what remains? Simply, let all of these go.
Now, you may need to give some space to this. I mean, it’s not a typical question your mind can answer. In fact, this is not a question for your mind at all.
All that is left is awareness. Nothing else remains. Just silence.
There’s awareness which observes all these thoughts, emotions, feelings, desires, dreams, and fears. But here, all of these are weightless. They do not carry any “emotional load”. And, they do not “stick” either. They simply come and go.
Also, there are no judgement, qualification, or interpretation here. Only true acceptance for what is. This is literally “it is what it is”. So, a thought is not good or bad, happy or sad. It’s just a thought. Similarly, no feeling or emotion is right or wrong.
The silence of the moment clears all the noise within. A simple truth reveals.
So, was there ever an attack?
A simple truth reveals, and the fog is cleared
Now, as you can see above (and going to see more below), this is a very abstract experience. So abstract, that the mind just can’t grasp it. Still, it appears as the being side in the human totally gets it. I would even say awakens.
I can tell you, that as awareness, I don’t feel a sense of self at all. There’s no I or me. Just awareness. For lack of a better word, I call it awareness. Or, a state of awareness.
But, this confuses my mind who fires back with all sort of questions. So, I notice thoughts such as: Where or who am I in all of this? Am I awareness? Or, am I the one who witness awareness? It appears that my mind is trying to figure out what’s happening and where are we (me and my mind) in all of this.
So, is there any answer to these questions?
Well, I don’t feel a sense of self. And, if there’s no “I”, then I can’t say that I am awareness. But, the sense of awareness is so intimate and one with me, that I have a feeling that I am awareness. Or, perhaps a part of awareness.
Also, nothing is personal here. There’s just this sense of inner peace and completeness that comes with intense love. And, I am talking about unconditional pure love that doesn’t feel personal. It is love to all. And, this love powers and fills my heart so much, that I feel like it is constantly expanding radiating love all over. As it is about to burst. It’s a wonderful feeling. It brings me to tears. And, these are tears of joy. It feels like I am finally home.
The last thing I can say, is that there’s a sense of some sort of space, but there’s no form. Great, said my mind. “Another thing I won’t get”.
When the Silence of the Moment Clears the Noise Within
So, let’s get back to that attack. Was there ever one? Because, it sure felt real.
Well, there was no one to be attacked. And in any case, it was all thoughts. And, they are all gone. Now, that the fog cleared, a simple truth reveals. The silence of the moment clears the noise within.
Your experience doesn’t make you, who you are. Who you are, is that who gets to experience this. You are not your experience. You are the one who experiences it.
And, once you recognize this, you can truly accept your experience. No matter what it is. Accept, and love.
Aloha and Love.
