Insecurities…Don’t we all just love them? Believe it or not, insecurities can be an exceptionally effective tool for “enlightenment”. Or, a more appropriate term in this case, freedom. And by that, I mean to have the freedom to fully express yourself as a human being. That’s big. And, it’s not something we get to hear about in our everyday conversations.
But, have you ever considered what exactly are these insecurities? And, I am not talking about some fancy definition here that requires multiple PhDs degrees to understand. I am talking about the raw underneath the surface truth. What is the root cause of these insecurities, and how do we free ourselves from all this messy entanglement that lives so deeply in us?
Insecurities are everywhere
So, let’s say you are in Wholefoods waiting (patiently of course) to pay for your groceries. Your plan is simple. You want to get the food, make dinner, and read your favorite egoless diaries post. So, you got all your veggies, local avocados feel perfectly ripe, and you even found the epic organic habanero peppers you love so much. Everything is ready for a perfect Guacamole night. Yup, it’s going to be a great evening. Life’s good.
Then, you notice the person that is also patiently waiting in front of you. “Hmm…he needs to stop pigging out”. A thought suddenly comes. “This is a big unhealthy beer belly. Well, at least its organically grown.”
Ouch! And, that sarcastic mind of yours is really just warming up. I mean, this dude seems like a really nice guy. And you don’t even know him. Why do you have to be so mean?
Then, before you even process these last sarcastic blows, you find yourself checking out the woman behind you. “Way too skinny”, a new thought comes. “And, look at that unhealthy skin tone, and this is summertime. What’s up with that?”
And, as this is not enough, you find your mind is already spontaneously scanning their carts without even “blinking”. Or, thinking.
“Well, duh!” continues that critical voice in your mind. You know, that voice we all love so much.
“Look at all that pizza, cookies, and ice-cream. No wonder you guys look like that.”
Ok, so I can stop here, because I think we all know where this is going. This little story reflects just a few seconds of normal mind activities. Just a few thoughts. All, however, are strongly related to some deep insecurities. Can you see the connection?
And…the plot thickens
So, a day later you go to the beach. And, it’s a really gorgeous day. Everything is so beautiful and perfect. In fact, you are not even sure if this is even real. It’s that pretty.
But then, all of a sudden, it feels like everyone is checking you out. And, not in a good way. “Hmm, I better check if this organic chocolate bar I got at wholefoods is making me gain weight. I do feel a bit heavier in the midsection.”, your mind “kindly” suggests.
Or, maybe, you are a guy, and you find yourself on the other side of this. Perhaps you get thoughts about losing too much weight because of that long hike you did. “Oh no, my legs look so skinny and feminine. I lost all my definition and size. And what’s the deal with all that unattractive body hair. Ugh!”
A few hours passed, and now you are peacefully and happily snorkeling. There are turtles all around you, even some friendly dolphins are coming to say hi. Life’s good. You are present, all is well. Well, maybe not so well. Because you have constantly been “distracted” by this thought about your midsection. You even tried to check yourself out underwater. “Did I really gain all that weight?”
In fact, when you get to think about it, you have been thinking about this thing all day long. It’s like your mind is constantly bullying you about this. “What’s wrong with me?”, a new thought comes.
How insecurities affect our life
Well, my friend, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you. In fact, this is so common, I would even consider calling this a part of the modern human experience of our time. Of course, this is just one silly example of one insecurity about body image. And, it may come in many shapes (no pun) and forms.
But, here’s the thing. A lot of the times, we are not even aware of this. You may feel drained, unmotivated, or down, and have absolutely no clue why. With all this attention you unconsciously put on all these insecurities, is it possible that they drain you out so much? And if so, is it possible that these things matter to you that much? So much, that it makes you feel even depressed or sad?
It all starts with an idea…
Ok, so here’s where things can get really practical. And I mean, this is a really big discovery. It’s a big deal. And, it can help us all free ourselves from all of this.
In our little wholefoods “weight watchers” story above, there’s obviously a lot of attention to physical appearance. In other cases, it may be about success, performance, wealth, social status, etc.
At the end of the day, when it comes to insecurities, there’s a very clear pattern. One, that always seem to repeat itself. The “story” or content of the insecurity may change. The patterns, however, not.
There’s a belief in you about something. It can be an “ideal outcome”, or a certain situation. Initially, that belief had nothing to do with you. It’s just an idea about something. Not about you. Remember this.
But then, you discover that there is this strong desire in you to achieve that idea. Or, a fear of the opposite “symmetrical” scenario. Perhaps, you strongly agree with that idea.
In any case, for some reason, this idea is very important to you. So much, that you become obsessed with it. You now strongly believe in it and feel attached to it. In fact, you are so hooked, you forget that this belief is not you. It’s just a idea. But now, this belief is totally consuming you and controlling your life.
You become a slave to an idea that initially, had nothing to do with you. And, in many cases, you are not even aware of this.
But, wait, there’s more. In fact, this is where things get really wild. Because now, your mind cleverly recognizes that this idea is important to you. So, it tries to help make this a reality. I mean, this is a big part of the human expression, right?
So, your mind starts to look for related “patterns” in your environment. This means, in you, in other people, different situations. Things that are related to that idea. And, when it finds a potential “match”, you get all sort of thoughts, emotions, and feelings. These are simply the mind’s feedback to this task. To your idea.
Are you feeling good? Looks like your mind has found things that agree with your belief. But, what if your mind has found the opposite? Something that doesn’t agree with your desires? You then may experience feelings and emotions such as anxiety, depression or insecurities.
But here’s the really important part. The part that can set us all free.
Who is this, that feels insecure? Is this really you, or you just got carried away in all this story, and forgot who you really are?
You can witness all these thoughts and emotions. You can be fully aware, that there is this uncomfortable feeling of insecurity. But, if you can witness all of these, then, obviously, these are not who you are. In fact, you can even observe the thoughts and emotions that come as a result of the feeling of insecurity.
It’s just like watching a movie about somebody else. You are not the one who is being insecure. You are not even the one who is feeling insecure. Turns out, you are the one who observes all this. Only, instead of watching it in a theatre, you get to witness all this in a much more intimate way.
Not to mention, that all of this is enhanced by mother’s nature pharmacy. And I am talking about all these powerful hormones and chemicals your body naturally produces. All influence the way you think, feel, and see the world. Are all of these things just a way to create the ultimate human experience?
And this, my dear brothers and sisters, is an amazing discovery we must all remember. In fact, the more I give space to this and let it sink, the more intense love I feel. All of a sudden, all these desires, dreams, insecurities, ideas…They all seem like a bedtime story. Just a story we have been telling ourselves.
And you, are both the author and the reader.
Where do we go from here?
Right after this realization, my mind became very quiet. No thoughts, no feelings, no emotions. Am I waking up from this long dream I used to call my life? Is any of this even real? At this point, I am not even sure who is “I” anymore. But, I am not confused or scared. In fact, I sense no desire in me to even find out. There’s this sense of inner peace and completeness. I don’t need to do anything. I don’t need to achieve anything. There’s no need for me to look for someone to love me. In fact, all I feel right now is this intense love, right in my heart, that brings me to tears. And these are tears of joy. Of peace. This love is not external to me, it is me.
Perhaps, this is where I belong. Perhaps, this is home.
But, where do I go from here? At this point, I have no desire to find out. After all, I am home.
